Hidden Journal

Secret Pages: the hidden online journal of Ryan Carlo Dalusung. For those who like easter eggs.

Full Circle

Perhaps the moment before death is the only time we understand one another. Perhaps it's not possible to understand one another at all. Perhaps death itself is the great equalizer of life, taking away thoughts and feelings and opinions, and putting people together onto one equal plane. From birth onward, through the stages of maturation, persons, individually, travel their own paths to understanding life and how to live it. We come to understand things differently from others. Practically, spiritually, romantically... beliefs will always differ in the details. If we're lucky, we find a "kindred spirit" or several. Ultimately, it takes great effort to comprehend the thoughts and feelings of those around us, those who influence us and, most especially, those we don't particularly care to listen to at all. However, regardless of how much we come to believe it, we may not actually understand fully what another is intending to convey. One can say "I love you" and another can still interpret the meaning inaccurately.

History always repeats itself: conflict always erupts from differing opinions, peace always alleviates based on an attempt to understand, and breaks apart again when beliefs misalign. Perhaps the most that is achievable is to mature alongside one another, parallel to another's path and trajectory, equal and harmonious until those paths diverge again. Perhaps "understanding" is only a temporary solution to conflict. Perhaps "conflict" is a temporary necessity to peace and understanding.


Glory is not a loyal companion. At its most typical, it’s a fling, a passionate affair that chisels a notch in your maturation. It isn’t something one should seek if one is more faithful to longevity.

Madness and Knowledge

Most people don't explore too deeply into the caves of their own minds. Perhaps it's wiser, I think, to stay with the group: to know too much is not dissimilar to madness. Why not? To be too self-aware, to understand too much the depths of the capabilities of thought, is to render oneself unrelatable, incomprehensible, enigmatic. You will come back wanting to relay your findings, but others, who once thought you crazy for choosing to go in, now label you a pariah. The desire to socialize remains in you, but the journey inward has not been made by your peers. The moment you left them behind for your inward journey is the moment they accepted you've separated from the group. Perhaps that's the tale of our famous historical geniuses, who've contributed to society the wonders of their thoughts, but have, in the end, left behind the final image of the tragic recluse.